My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
