guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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