i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
