i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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