Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
