Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
