What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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