too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
