Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
