Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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