what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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