Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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