how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
