My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
