i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
