The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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