My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize