We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
