WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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