I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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