I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he was CRYING into my vagina
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
