Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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You may now shotgun with the bride
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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