So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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