honey bunches of taint.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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