Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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