oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
