I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
