all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
