have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
