I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
