Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
