The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
