yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
