1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
