so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
