Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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