The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
