Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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