Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
