Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
