Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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