dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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