I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
