Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
