I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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