I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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