If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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