a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
