yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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