the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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