That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
