I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
