I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
