Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
