nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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