i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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