Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
