She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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