I am puke
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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