I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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