no, he came in my armpit
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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