Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
