were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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