FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
