I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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