What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
