They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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