omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
