I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
